Red Sox Nation Under Attack!

Ever fall asleep with the TV on and a screaming loud infomercial wakes you up at 3:38 AM and you can’t find the remote to turn it off, so you end up falling back to sleep and the infomerical penetrates your REM patterns and you end up dreaming that your new best friend is the Rug Doctor? No? Happens to me all the time.

Well, as I sit here trying to figure out how I could pay my rent for the 15th day in a row, I’m enjoying watching the Yankees come back on the Red Sox. I haven’t written much about teams other than the Dodgers, so I guess I should get this off of my chest right now. I DESPISE the Red Sox. “Why? all of you among the newly founded Red Sox Nation are no doubt demanding. I could hear you now, some of you using fake Boston accents because it’s suddenly become cool to be from Boston even if you were there for three days when you were a kid. It's like a ticket to obnoxiousness. So why do I hate the Bosox? Is it because I’m jealous because they’re winners now? Nope, not at all. Their ownership team has spent a lot of money for just that result. Is it because their true, lifelong fans are more passionate about their team and the game in general? Nope. I actually appreciate that. It’s something that’s sorely missing among Dodger fans since they flushed a lot of longtime fans down the toilet with the Fox purchase. No, the reason I hate the Red Sox isn’t the passion of their fans. It’s the bandwagon, BS, insincerity of their pseudo fans. It’s because of this whole BS Red Sox Nation thing. Too many Red Sox fans don’t know a damn thing about them or about baseball. The countless anuses who love the Red Sox have no idea why, but they like to shout about it and proudly wear the gear. If as many people were from Boston as there are that claim to be, Boston would be the most populated city in the world by millions. The Boston accent is so obnoxious and painful, but if you’re a screaming Bosox fan, I’d better hear that ridiculous speech pattern and destruction of the English language. Otherwise, you’re just a front running, bandwagon jumping, jackass.

Okay, so why take it out on the players? They didn't do anything. Well, I like Mike Lowell, but that's it. Kevin Youkilis looks like an angry pirate. I hate angry pirates. He always wants to fight. Manny being Manny has become tiresome. Can't he be somebody else? JD Drew is an ass. I hated him when he was a Dodger and when his agent, the notorious Scott Boras, also known as Beelzebub, pulled him out of his contract, I was actually glad. Dustin Pedroia is great, but he needs to be put in his place one of these days. Obnoxious ass. Maybe by another angry pirate on another team. Big Papi is just too damn big. Josh Beckett? I don't like his face. And just for those of you who are from Boston who are reading this, there’s no rule that says you HAVE to come to LA. If you've already come here, could you please go back, at least during baseball season? And for shit’s sake, if you can’t stay in Boston, can you consider San Diego or San Francisco? I hear Santa Fe is very nice. Something that starts with "San" except Santa Monica.

And the pre-trade deadline moves have begun! This just in: Cleveland sends CC Sabathia to the Milwaukee Brewers for a top hitting prospect. Why? Because Cleveland is calling 2008 a day and the Brew Crew has a chance to win and they actually are trying to do just that. They need pitching and Sabathia, though inconsistent at times, is a pitcher. Last year's AL Cy Young winner, I do believe.

So, in the Dodgers 5-3 victory over the hated Giants today to remain a half game behind the first place Arizona Choking Snakes, I finally figured out how to make Andruw Jones improve. Don’t play him. At least not until the 8th inning of a game in which you already have at least a 3 run lead. Then let him hit against the dregs of the opponent’s bullpen. His average may slowly climb to .174 that way.

Stults looked awful for his 2nd start in a row. Could be his complete game shutout against the tough Chisox may have been an aberration. Saito made it look hard, but they got the win. They need a big bat, a leadoff hitter and a shortstop to go anywhere this year, people. As much as I rail against him, I really want to see Andruw Jones improve, but I just don’t think he’ll get a lot better. (He may well get fatter, though) Anyway, I know you probably don't believe me, but I hope I’m wrong. If you think about it, he’s already played one quarter of his 2 year $36 million contract. So, for 9 mill, he’s sucked in ways I can’t even describe.

In the LA Times today, James Loney says he doesn’t think they need to make a trade. Thanks, James, for that bit of insider insight. So, are you gonna start hitting home runs now? Is Matt Kemp? Or is below .500 acceptable to you?

Three series wins in a row. Impressive. Let’s see if they can keep it going. Tomorrow Atlanta comes into town. It doesn’t matter whether the Braves are on the winning or losing side of the ledger, they own the Dodgers. They play better fundamental ball, they seem to pitch better and they almost always win the series.

I like the fact that Russell Martin is in the All Star Game again, but there’s no way Kosuke Fukudome belongs in there. Thank god for the NL Brad Penny’s having a bad year. Good thing for the Dodgers he’s had a setback in his return.

Wonder what the Rug Doctor is up to...