I Have A Dream?

Nose surgery Thursday. Alriiiiiight! Can hardly wait to have some dude from Iran cut into my proboscis and snap my septum back into place. I wonder if he’s gonna do one of those crazy celebratory Middle East trilly screams if it’s successful. When I’m having the procedure, will I dream? What will I dream about? Will it be that someone’s got my nose? Will it be that I’m actually getting paid by the network to whom we sold our show and with whom we have a signed contract? Will it be that the Dodgers will go on to the Fall Classic? Will it be health and wealth and happiness for all of mankind? Will it be that a ground ball in a softball game took a wild hop and broke my nose? Wait a minute… that’s why I’m there. …Will it be that my mother has turned younger but also turned into Meredith Baxter Birney? (I think she’s just Meredith Baxter now) Or will it be that the USA Olympic Baseball team will actually win a medal?

The USA beat Chinese Taipei today (Taiwan) and they beat up on poor host China. Even though the two countries almost beat each other to death, it was a blow out for the States, beating them 9-1. Obviosuly, the Chinese team needs to learn some of baseball's unwritten rules. They just had their first lesson. China is managed by one time Dodger’s 2nd baseman and 1965 Rookie of the Year, Jim Lefebvre. I remember back in the year of our Lord Nineteen Hundred and Seventy-Two when there was a short baseball lockout at the beginning of the season. I was in 5th grade at Mar Vista Elementary School (east of Venice and Santa Monica, north of Culver City) and the Dodgers – the Los Angeles Dodgers - were working out a block away at Mar Vista Recreation Center where I played my youth league baseball! Most of the teachers let their classes make the short walk across a couple of streets to go see them but our old biddy, Mrs. Forbes – God rest her, she’s gotta be dead by now – wouldn’t let us go. So who came marching into the school in full uniform to talk to the unfortunate and underprivileged but Mr. Jim Lefebvre! What a thrill! I sat right in front. All I remember is he was talking about baseball while I was admiring his bright white flannel – yes flannel – uniform. I was so enthralled, he might as well have been speaking Chinese. Funny. Now, he is.

Let me ask you this: Why isn’t Barry Bonds DHing for the USA Olympic baseball team? He’s not doing anything else right now. And certainly, as he’s been trying to get back in the bigs, he can’t be doping any more. So, why are we losing to South Korea and Cuba when we could have Barry Bonds hitting cleanup? What’s the matter, Barry? No sense of patriotism for the country and the game that brought you millions upon millions for giving so much joy to millions upon millions? How about you, Roger Clemens? Suddenly you’re unavailable for a few workouts, a few weeks of qualifying games and a 2 week trip to China? I mean, come on, guys. Terry Tiffee and Matt LaPorta and little Mike Koplove can’t do it all.

Remember a few blogs ago when I asked when the Dodgers will announce that they’ve re-acquired Greg Maddux? Well that time is now. The Dodgers have reacquired Greg Maddux. Now we actually have 5 starters who can pitch. Whee! (I don't do "whoo hoo." I hate "whoo hoo.")

Tonight we open a 3 game series against that faltering club from the Rockies, the Rockies. Ubaldo Jiminez goes up against Hiroki Kuroda. Jiminez owned the Dodgers last time they played and struck out, like, 30 guys or something. Pretty tough feat considering only 27 outs were recorded. Kuroda, who hails from Japan, by the way, is on a roll and Jiminez is off his roll. I actually like the Blue’s chances, since they’re not a mile high in the Denver sky. Nice article on Kuroda in today’s Times by Dylan Hernandez. In the article, it says Kuroda’s high school and college coaches used to hit him when he did something wrong. Can you imagine if a coach or manager tried that in this country? Don’t they have litigation in Japan? If I hit one of the kids I coached at Santa Monica High School, I’d get gang trampled and I'd be sued by the entire Western United States.

In Japan, baseball is very spiritual. Here, it’s something to do between soccer season and football season and a way to possibly make huge bucks in the future. When practicing in the hot summer in Japan, they don’t let you drink water because it would weaken the spirit. In practicing in the hot summer, here… well, wait a minute, we don’t practice in the hot summer here. We just play games. But if we did practice, our young players wouldn’t go ten minutes without a Red Bull, let alone water. Kuroda was the ace for a while for the Hiroshima Carp. For those of you who don’t know, those are those colorful fishies you see in ponds in front of Benihana and nice hotels. They’re just big goldfish. Now Kuroda is pitching in a much bigger fish bowl and he’s doing quite well. I like him. He owns up to his mistakes, makes no excuses, takes the ball every fifth day, does his best and he's pretty low maintenance. Just don't overfeed him.

Anyway, another must win game tonight. The Snakes have it easy against the Dads and someone has to win this thing. Might as well be Manny, Blake, Maddux and the rest of us. The new us.