Welcome to the Wild Card!

That's right, folks. Your beloved Blue, our mighty Dodgers have transformed practically overnight from one of baseball's best teams to the absolute worst team that's ever set foot on a big league ball field. They are atrocious from the bottom up and conveniently right before their guaranteed appearance in the 2009 Playoffs. Ya know who just plain stinks? Russell Martin! He's horrible defensively and a disaster at the plate. He's killing us. Ya know who sucks? Andre Ethier. He's 1 for his last 30, can't hit lefthanders to save his life and has proven beyond a reasonable doubt that he's amazing only at times, horrid at most others. Not sure if that kind of inconsistency is worth what he'll be asking in salary arbitration. 31 HRs, 105 RBI aside, I think he thought the season ended a couple of weeks ago. Don't look now, but he'll be hitting in the .260's after tomorrow's loss to the Rockies. The .260's! Wanna know who's terrible? James Loney. Waste of space. Too many DPs. No pop, lazy bat, all his RBI were in the 1st half. We need to try to get Adrian Gonzales in the offseason. Know who's putrid? Orlando Hudson. He should retire. He's clueless out there. And ya know who's the worst? That Manny guy. Jeez! What a difference a hypodermic makes. They should gently persuade him to walk away at season's end, but with his performance, who else is crazy or stupid enough to pay him that 20 million? And wanna know who can't pitch anymore? The Dodgers. Garland is piss poor. Kuroda is awful, Billingsley could be done and God forbid we see Broxton tiptoe to the mound again.

No, folks, the way the Dodgers are playing, it's hard to imagine them winning another game in '09. They're not even close to scoring a run. I see the inspired, flaming hot Rockies sweeping the three at the Ravine and the Dodgers losing to Philly in 3 without so much as a whimper. I've been wrong before, but, unfortunately, I feel so right now. And let's say they do win tomorrow or the next day or Sunday. If you're Joe Torre, do you still let them pour the champagne and celebrate like they actually won something? I sure don't. I tell them to get dressed, go home and think about what the hell they did to get them there in the first place and try to find it before they embarrass and humiliate themselves in front of 50 thousand nasty Philadelphians.

And what is this talk about extending Colletti's contract? Proves my point that all the McCourts care about is beating the Giants, the Mountains, the Dads and the Snakes. Is finishing ahead of 4 lousy teams that much of a feather in your cap? Okay, so Colletti brought us an extremely effective, steroid-enhanced Manny and a bearded, fairly solid third baseman in Blake. I guess acquiring Belliard is working out. But Garland stinks, getting Thome was a joke and Padilla is clearly my third choice in the available "P" pitchers, behind Peavy or Pedro. And, besides, McCourt, you jackass, they haven't won anything! Wonder how McCourt'll feel if and when they wind up choking the division title on Sunday. As Charlie Brown used to say, I can't stand it. I just can't stand it.